Acceptance Isn't Giving Up: How Accepting Where You Are Can Help You Move Forward

We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way. We shouldn’t think this way. We shouldn’t have this personality. We shouldn’t struggle with certain things.

And maybe if all of that self-criticism actually brought us closer to the person, the goals, or the life we wanted, it would be worth it.

But that hasn’t been my experience.

For much of my life, I believed that if I could just push myself harder, become better, or stop feeling certain things, I would finally reach the place I wanted to be.

Instead, I often found that fighting against myself made change harder.

The belief that we need to be different before we can move forward

Many of us approach personal growth by focusing on what we want to change about ourselves.

We look at our fears, insecurities, habits, or doubts and think:

"If I could just get rid of this, then I could finally move forward."

Sometimes we believe we need more discipline. More motivation. More toughness.

And for some people, a push of determination may be exactly what they need in a particular moment.

But for many of us, constantly telling ourselves that we shouldn’t be the way we are does not create lasting change.

It often creates more frustration, shame, and discouragement.

Acceptance is not the same as giving up

The word acceptance can sometimes sound like settling.

It can sound like saying:

"This is just who I am."

"This is just how things are."

"Nothing can change."

But that is not the type of acceptance I mean.

Acceptance is not accepting a state, outcome, or situation as permanent.

Acceptance is acknowledging what is true in this moment.

It is saying:

"This is what I am experiencing right now."

"This is the thought I am having right now."

"This is the feeling that is present right now."

And then choosing what I want to do next.

We can accept our feelings and still take action

One of the most freeing realizations is understanding that we do not have to wait until we feel differently before we move forward.

We can give a presentation even when we feel nervous.

We can learn a language even when we feel embarrassed making mistakes.

We can continue interviewing even when we feel discouraged.

We can take the next step even when we do not feel completely confident.

The presence of fear does not mean we cannot be courageous.

The presence of uncertainty does not mean we cannot move forward.

The presence of doubt does not mean we cannot make progress.

Our thoughts and feelings are part of being human. They provide information, but they do not have to determine every action we take.

Growth begins with meeting ourselves where we are

Looking back, some of the biggest changes in my life did not come from being harder on myself.

They came from learning to acknowledge where I was while continuing to work toward where I wanted to go.

There is a difference between accepting ourselves and staying stuck.

Acceptance creates space.

Space to be honest.
Space to learn.
Space to grow.
Space to choose our next step.

We do not have to become a completely different person before we begin creating a meaningful life.

Sometimes growth begins when we stop fighting who we are today and start supporting the person we are becoming.

Reflection

Where in your life have you been fighting against yourself instead of meeting yourself with acceptance?

What might change if you allowed yourself to acknowledge where you are while still choosing where you want to go?

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